Feature Article
Rams Go Down …Titan-ic style
…OR…
How to kill all hope in one snap of the football.
The WatchDog
Staff Writer
Pop Quiz:, Q – What movie title best describes the Rams performance in their preseason opener?
A – Titan-ic
Q –What is the fastest and surest way for the Rams to send everyone including the team minister to certain liver damage via the local bar?
A- Take the field.
Maybe this is part of the master planning - by revisiting last year’s pain firsthand.
Trying to stay positive as the world turns round in Ram-Nation is getting to be even tougher than keeping Adam (Don’t call me Pacman) Jones out of the strip-bars. As recent as Saturday afternoon, with all the glowing reports from Tennessee hailing immense progress and success against the Titan’s squads, things actually were starting to look like there might be a light at the end of the long dark tunnel. And there was…
It was a train.
Just as suddenly that long dark tunnel took on the antiseptic smell of a colonoscopy in progress.
Colonoscopy - The endoscopic examination of the large colon and the distal part of the small bowel with a CCD camera or a fiber optic camera on a flexible tube passed through the collective anuses of anyone dumb enough to call themselves a “Ram” in front of any Tennesee-based football team.
And it was every bit as painful. 340 total yards rushing, ten different runners with 10+yard gains and only two tackles behind the line of scrimmage resulting in a loss of a whopping two yards.
If you happen to be one of the dwindling few who were looking for the positives in Saturday’s game, let me offer a few flashes from the bright side.
Orlando Pace is still upright – Maybe not much during the actual game, but he isn’t out for the season…yet.
The Pass defense was adequate – Not that there was any reason for the Titans to actually throw one.
Josh Brown looked great – I wonder how quickly he shut off his cell-phone after the insane laughter from the Seattle area started coming in.
Scott Linehan’s hair looks great – It is looking increasingly similar to his impending job status.
With the much healded coaching upgrades on this team, it’s difficult for even the most negative mind to reasonably see that this team could be this bad come week 1. Even Clifton Ryan quickly jumped to his own squad’s defense regarding the rush total.
"We're going to get it fixed this week in practice," Ryan insisted.
Hey Cliffy, can we get a “Shoot, we’ll fix that” just for old times sake?
And of course the post-game show couldn’t have been complete without some soon to be patented Linny-logic.
"It doesn't matter who's in there or in what part of the game," Linehan said. "It's going to be tough for us to win if we give up that many yards rushing to anybody."
Really Coach – please tell us more for we are blind and dumb.
"Which is going to be good for us," Linehan said. "We're going to have a heck of a challenge based on what happened (at Tennessee) as far as the running stats going against a team that's going to try to run the ball. I promise you, this next team (San Diego) is going to try to run the ball."
Duh.
The way I see it there is only one person in the Rams orgainzation who is smiling big right now.
Steven Jackson.
Saturday’s game must have launched his sister Rhonda into complete freakshow mode. I think the best thing the Rams can do at this point is send them both a couple dozen roses and whatever the hell he wants on his new contract. Marc Bulger should deliver it to him personally – in drag.
On that same note however, I honestly don’t see how Jackson has slept since Saturday knowing what happened to his team all the while being actually under contract and able to help. Just the confidence boost his presence would bring would do wonders.
Is it panic time in Ram-nation? I’ll go with the sensible answer and say of course not, it’s only the first practice game.
Does it seem like the ghost of Georgia and all powerful beings this side of the man in the moon hate the Rams?
Uh-huh.
*Quotes courtesy STLtoday
Go Rams!
